Bold challenges open up beginnings of quiet opportunities I didn’t know existed, but now that I do I escape in my thoughts, reflecting on those moments as they were at the time and as they become a part of who I am. Each detail of my experience brings a special memory back to feel all over again, beginning with the waiting and ending with stepping off the ladder.
Could you come with borrowed peace and bring a friend with you to see through a world of love and a world of hope? Bring a lot of open thoughts because Spellers Camp begins with open minds, hearts and brave escape. Body and mind connections are made here as well as friends. Escape begins with open thoughts and expression, with words being spoken aloud through others’ voices. “Communication Partners”, words voiced on others’ lips bringing life to our words. Well, easy to say but it can take a lot of time to spell your words out through pointing on a letterboard, keyboard, or writing. Open your thoughts this way sometime and you will see how frustrating being a speller in a speaker’s world can be.
Being around other people with words coerced one letter at a time becomes empowering. Comfort sometimes comes from others who have been through similar paths and are opening up new lives too. When we are all in one space at one time looking for a new path to take, our voices become stronger together. Cool, calm and collected, with a bit of perspective, I made the decision to take on the challenge of the swing. Waiting for my turn took awhile but was not wasted time because bright potential was being born.
Courage can show in many different ways. Letting it out can be one of those ways. Another can be opening a challenge, worried about the outcome before you ever begin, but overcoming that worry. Yet another can be just doing something without understanding that others perceive what you did as courageous. When you are courageously embracing your life with expectations of making everything count, you don’t upset your goals by missing an opportunity offered, you take it. Both taken and missed experiences will always be memories that make up who you are.
When you wear fear on your brain, all things you set out to do can become scary and will make you awkwardly unwavering in anxious thoughts. Anxiety can keep what you want to do from happening. Not everything in autism that looks like anxiety is. When you have autism, sometimes your brain can’t connect with your body to do what you really want it to do. Looking at the situation from a perspective of a typical speaking person, they may see it as anxiety, but what we call it is a mind-body disconnect. A few of my new friends expressed through spelling that they really wanted to do the swing. The coaches began coaching them in a way that opens their ability to control the body, breaking through the disconnect, and setting them free. Everyone may not have made it to the swing, but all who tried, conquered. When they accomplished a goal, I found it to be one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever been a part of. Love becomes food for the soul and it was a full feeling.
When I heard the word “swing” I thought of all the swings I have known but the description I heard didn’t match any I knew. Because I am blind I usually rely on details to open a picture in my head, but most of what is described isn’t as useful to me as touching, smelling and listening. Looking doesn’t provide as much information for me as my other senses do.
As I waited, because they had a list and I was way down that list, each person’s experience was heard, felt, and described especially well and I became more relaxed about what was taking place. Each bright opportunity became what the owner of the moment wanted it to be, opening about each of their own dreams as they took their turn on the swing. The crowd would cheer them on with encouraging words peacefully bringing possibility by their positivity. Being in this space with my new friends was an experience like none I have ever had before but I hope for more in my future.
My turn finally came. I was given a step by step accounting of my place in line and when I was a few people from going on the swing a body coach began helping me with my harness. When I was up she escorted me to the ladder. Before I climbed the ladder coaches began explaining what was about to take place. Opening up the swing was done by pulling a cord at my shoulder. I was given the instructions on how to release myself and shown the motor plan for how to do it. I was able to do it but we had a back up plan which would be put in to play if I couldn’t pull the cord when up in the air. In consideration of my wishes they would count down to give me a minute to prepare before dropping.
Walking people to the ladder was something they had been doing all day but somehow they made me feel very unusually special. Not the kind of special that can make you feel broken but the kind you feel when you are loved and being embraced. Being loved like that will open up borders and move mountains. But in my case, it just moved me up the ladder and brought me to an understanding of how much love could bring us together in our world, if we could love everyone as thoroughly as my new friends do.
On the ladder love was my wealth and it bought me a whole lot of fun. Up I went being pulled by every person one at a time and altogether. I got to the top and welcomed the sun as it was letting out beautiful yellow light so bright over the sky I could not ignore it. Pouring sunlight, with a yellow that shone with a worthiness of being seen up above the top of the trees, just like me. This moment was so powerful that I forgot to pull the cord or even how. Loud counting began lively and welcoming years of boredom to fly away on “five”. Only for a brief second, unusual for me, a bit of fear surfaced. When we allow ourself to unearth our experience, grounding our trust, our momentum gains rhythm completing what we pursue, encompassing what we set out to do. Dropping on “five” was expected but having never done this before I really didn’t know until breaking free and dropping, what began so coolly could be both quite scary and wonderful all at once. As I began with a more stable swinging movement, becoming one with the swing, I was entirely washed with the beginning of wishes worthy of writing over wordless lips. Loose like bright wishes broken free, swinging over the ground over the woods and out in the world.
Wishes, worth, and wonder. Would you have believed what a swing at Spellers Camp could mean for a silent man like me?
http://www.autisticallyinclined.com (Spellers Camp)
http://www.KatherineAndrewsPhoto.com
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